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Sex advice from Dr Hump PDF Print E-mail
Written by Administrator   
Wednesday, 08 April 2009

We've found some more old sex advice from the Internet's rudest and funniest agony aunt.

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You have been approved.
Cash Grant Amount:

$10,000-$5,000,000

Did You Know?

Each Year the U.S. Goverment Gives away BILLIONS in cash grants? -There are No special requirements to obtain these grants. -These are Free Cash Grants That you NEVER have to repay!

Dr Hump, You Qualify!

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

Yes please, I'd really like $5,000,000.

Pay it now into my bank account.

Cheers mate.

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

I've been seeing this girl (not the inflatable kind, or even a man dressed up) and I would like some advice on how to get her to talk dirty to me while we fuck.

Warm smiley regards,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

If you want this girl to talk dirty to you then you should teach her to speak English or at least bark.

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

First of all, you have a cool site. Nice and to the point.

I'm a great looking 20-year-old male in college. I have a girlfriend whom I want to marry in the far future (3-6 years). I love her. She gives me great sex when she is here. She goes to a school that is a four-hour drive away and we only see each other about twice a month. The problem is that I love sex and session of sex twice a month isn't cutting it. I don't want a relationship with anybody else. What should I do?

Regards,

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P.S. Do you suggest getting a fuck buddy? If so, how do I go about doing that?

Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

If you need lots of sex then you should do what your "girlfriend" is doing and spread yourself about it bit too. She's probably not going to marry you anyway.

Go and find a fuck buddy right away to satisfy your sexual needs that your girlfriend cannot give you while she's a four-hour drive away.

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

I would really like to know if you would lose your virginity if you had anal sex or if you got fingered?

Cheers,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

Would you now?

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

I live in the USA and my problem is my husband used to give me multiple orgasms before we were married. We've only been married a year and I have trouble reaching an orgasm at all.

He's willing to do anything I suggest because I was honest to him about the problem. I've tried different positions and foreplay, it goes on for hours and I don't understand this change. We are still very much in love, but no sex life. What happened?

Thanks you,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

You're frightened of terrorists. Relax honey and do some drugs.

If he's willing to do anything why don't you get him to dress up as a nun and give him religious spanking services? This is a long shot, as at the end of the day, you're both getting old and bored of each other. Get a toy boy!

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

Hey how are you doing? I need a bit of help doc. I'm quite a good looking lad who is occasionally compared to Gareth Gates, which is both very flattering and very annoying.

Anyway, I have a serious problem. When it comes to getting girls I have no self confidence. Unless the girl literally comes up and whispers something in my ear I won't make a move.

For a wee while I wasn't too bothered, but I have sorted my life out and there is this girl who I really like. I need to know the shit you ladies want to hear. I was a typical lad, but have now calmed down my ways and am a bit more peace and love.

Your advice will be much appreciated, cheers for the help!

Love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

If you look like that weedy dweeb Gareth Gates then you should have no problem getting your end away with school children, but you might end up getting done for under-aged sex and spending summer time with Jonathon King and Gary Glitter.

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

Hey your site is fucking awesome. I usually just read it for shits and giggles, but finally I have a question I'd like you to answer. A couple of months ago I had sex on X (ecstasy) and then the next time I had sex I didn't feel a fucking thing.

I've heard that you should never have sex on X because that one feeling is so good that no other sex with make up to it; or something like that. So I was wondering if my sex life is now fucked now after having sex on X?

Regards,

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P.S. I'm not one of the weirdoes who go to your site and just waste your time, I'd really like an answer from you, as you seem like a wise person.

Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

You are right! One should never have sex after taking ecstasy.

It's a filthy horrible business and never be done by anybody ever.

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

They say you should always wash your hands after having a crap, to prevent the spread of germs. So how come me and my girlfriend are still fit and healthy after shoving our tongues up each others arses?

Yours,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

A little bit of dirt never hurt anyone, you filthy bastard.

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

Please can you help?

Phallus domesticus as any ordinary phallus appears to be, it is no more. Mine had just walked out on me or I lost him, can't really remember. Any contact with 'Erotic Lost Property' offices in UK?

Perhaps knowing details of their meetings out in a wild or migration tracks in Britain could be of some help. Am desperate to be reunited.

Thanks,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

Jake's bible of comedowns states Benzodiapines, notably Diazepam (Valium) and 5HTP, (a serotonin precursor) which has a medically verified curiosity that helps a person find their phallus.

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

I'm sorry to break the news, but your girlfriend most definitely is frigid.

"I'm not ready" means she doesn't want to fuck you; either persuade her otherwise or get a decent loose girl who will let you do her at the drop of a hat.

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

I'm a 20 year old Marine who has a little problem. When ever me and my 18 year old girlfriend have sex she pees on me. After being with her for more than 2 years she has never managed to have an orgasm. I used to make my ex girls cum like crazy.

Instead when she feels the peak of her climax she pees on me. What is going on here? Why is she peeing on me? I have even got to the point where I make her relieve herself before we fuck, but still instead of cumming she pisses and what's more, she says it feels good too.

Please respond.

Yours,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

That's unlucky to have an 18-year-old girlfriend who pisses on you while making love; this must be a real nightmare. Poor you, I feel terribly sorry for you.

Are you sure she's only 18 and not 80? Why the hell is her bladder leaking at that age? That's disgusting.

Fit her with a catheter or dump her.

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

I am 23 year old student and I am staying away from home for studies doing graduation.

Once I was staying in a hostel with my younger sister. There was only one bed in each single room, so I had to arrange another bed for her. Then she slept on my bed and I slept on another bed, which I arranged with my friend.

As I was used to sleeping on my bed, I could not sleep on another bed. So after a long try, I went to my original bed on which my sister was sleeping and we laid down in different directions.

Later in the night, I noticed she was doing something, I wondered what? I was hard and had a feeling of rigidness in my penis.

I immediately went to my previous bed. At that time, nothing happened, but since then a feeling of guilt has arisen.

I love my sister very much and would do anything for her. I feel it should not have happened, because she is my sister. We have slept many times on the same bed, but I don't know why it happened that day.

Regards,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

I think incest is disgusting and the reason you feel guilty is because you did not stop this when it happened. This guilt is likely to continue and worsen for the rest of your life.

On the brighter side of things, at least you'll know when your sister is having a period because your Dad's dick will taste different.

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

I have a girlfriend that is wonderful. I have a problem though; every time we try to have sex, I can't keep it up. I try and try, but without success.

It's even difficult to masturbate sometimes. I still want to have sex, but can't and I'm only a teenager, not some old man. What is wrong with me?

Regards,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

You have got Premature Senile Penis Syndrome (PSPS), which usually only effects people over 50. Yet in rare cases, this horrible affliction can be developed at an early age; just like it has in you! Bad luck, as there's no cure!

You're going to have to spend the rest of your life in slippers and cardigans cajoling your flaccid member into some form of puny erection.

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

I love the site. Most of the information is good, but then you get the stupid lil boys and testosterone goes up and the stupid but funny questions get asked. I have switched over to this site from Dr. Hemp and I want you to know I like your site just as much as Dr. Hemp's. So keep rocking girl.

Your Faithful Fan In Boston,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

Thank you, but Dr Hemp will get very jealous and beat me when he reads this.

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

I am only 14 years old and having sex. The most recent time I had sex was on last Monday (May 5th). When I was having intercourse it hurt in my low abdominal area. It felt as if something was poking there.

When he was going in and out, it was a weird feeling and this is the first time I have experienced something like that. It felt like it was hitting against something in my low adnominal area. What do you think this could mean?

Also I have another question. Last night I had a weird tingling sensation down by my pussy. I was frequently going to the bathroom; I probably went 15 times in 3 hours. The next morning I woke up and a couple hours later and I bled a little, but I'm pretty sure it was my period, since I should be expecting it soon. However, my period schedule was messed up, because I took the morning after pill on Monday (May 5th) and I should of started my period a week ago.

What do you think is the matter? I was thinking I might have a bladder infection but I'm not sure.

Yours sincerely,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

Look love, you're only 14 and if you will have sex with fully grown men, you might find it hurts a bit, as his engorged member pushes into your stomach from inside. You're lucky you didn't split in two!

Either you're up the duff or your boyfriend didn't wash his dirty cheesy helmet and has given you a urinary or uterine infection.

Best go down the VD clinic love to get a check up and please remember to use a condom the next time you have sex.

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

Reading the responses that you have posted for everyone shows that you really should not be giving advice to people, as I think that you really need to learn what life is about and that's sex.

Both men and women in their adolescent years experiment and are looking for fun.

Did you have fun when you were young or were you a sad fuck that wanked his way through colleague and university and only fucked the hole in the wall or watched your mates?

Please close this web site as I don't think you are qualified to give advice.

Please note that two men are fun and women are just to wet to mention. Get a fucking life first before giving advice.

Yours sincerely,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

Who the fuck are you to lecture a Sex Goddess like me about the subject I know best? Anyway, I'm not attached to an apparatus I can use to stick in a wall, so you're at a loss, I'm afraid.

I never went to college, as I was too busy taking loads of drugs and having lots of sex, as any self-respecting youngster should be doing.

I know having sex with two men is fun, yet you'll just have to settle for fantasising about such pleasures.

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

We have removed some of your advice from www.EndlessAgony.com, as we felt the content was not appropriate for our site.

Regards,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

I made you bastards what you are today and this is how you repay me?

With all my love,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

How fucking dare you!? You cheeky bitch! Reading some of these answers makes me wonder what kind of freak slut you are. People ask embarrassing personal questions and you're just a fucking rude whore about most of them.

You think that because you can be a smart-ass that you're fucking special or something? Wrong, you just look like a stupid little slut girl who never grew up properly and who's been fucked since she was 10.

And giving advice that underage people should have sex. Are you fucking stupid or something? And before you reply with a clever answer, yes I'm a guy, I've fucked plenty of girls and I'm happy with the lack of size of my dick.

A disgruntled stoner (yes you have actually pissed off a stoner, well done).

Finaly, fuck you!

Regards,

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Dear This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ,

Yeah, I'd gladly fuck you back, but judging by the size of your manhood, I doubt it would amount to much. I doubt anything could bring a smile to your sorry face.

Nothing could be further from the truth; the advice I give is real and much sought after. You're just jealous of my fame and glory; thousands of people every week are titillated by my words of wisdom, so why the fuck should I give a shit what a cunt like you thinks?

Call yourself a stoner; I bet you whitey on soapbar and jack off to the Fat Slags in Viz thinking it's a porno mag.

With all my love,

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Last Updated ( Thursday, 09 April 2009 )
 
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