The Daily Mail gave birth to a litter of kittens after the Chief Constable of Wales said that ecstasy is safer than aspirin.

Despite having scientific evidence on his side, the Daily Mail was immediately rushed to a veterinary surgery after the head of the North Wales police force, Richard Brustrom, claimed ecstasy was a “remarkably safe substance”.

On hearing the the news, scare-mongering anti-drugs organisations rushed to the Daily Mail’s side to offer quotes to condemn the the Chief Constable’s comments and offer their own selection of inaccurate rubbish about the dangers of the popular dance drug, MDMA, commonly known as ecstasy.

Peter Twat of the National Drugs Prevention Alliance said: "The Chief Constable’s comments are completely irresponsible. Doesn’t Mr Brustrom realise that anybody who takes ecstasy ever will be dead in a matter of minutes? He should sentenced to death by lethal injection immediately.”

The Home Office were also quick to offer the Daily Mail words of condemnation saying “While we are delighted to hear of news of the recent birth of the Daily Mail’s kittens, we should like to point out that it is the Government’s policy not to have any sensible debate on the issue of drugs.”

The Department of Health conveniently did not have any figures on the number of deaths linked to aspirin but did add that they agree with anything the Daily Mail prints.

Meanwhile, hundreds of thousands of partygoers saw in 2008 after taking ecstasy and a whole range of illegal substances without dying.

All evidence that nearly all ecstasy attributed deaths have been due to the very fact it is produced and supplied by the criminal black market was completely ignored by all the media.

The Daily Mail has announced the litter of kittens, 3 females and 2 males, are to be named Fluffy, Tiddles, Paws, Mitsu and Dove.